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°.:*: Honey Hero Hikachan :*:.°.
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Se cercavate un tocco di pura follia su cui sghignazzare liberamente... beh, lo avete appena trovato! Ora, avete presente il lungometraggio La bella e la bestia e, più precisamente, quella allegra canzoncina in cui ci veniva presentato il cattivo, la canzone di Gaston? Bene. Prendete la versione originale in inglese, prendete Kingdom Hearts 2, nella fattispecie il mondo dedicato al film La maledizione della Prima luna dove incontrate quel bell' esemplare di pirata di Jack Sparrow/Jonnhy Depp e...
[Isola di Tortuga, esterno giorno del piazzale a metà fra il porto, dove è ormeggiata la Perla Nera, e la taverna La Sposa Fedele. Tra le botti si siedono alcuni vecchi pirati: o prendono il sole, o bevono, oppure ancora giocano a carte. Se guardate bene noterete Xemnas, Xigbar e Luxord mischiati a loro: neanche a dirlo, è Luxord quello che spenna a carte. Dalla taverna esce in fretta e furia un furibondo Jack Sparrow, seguito da Sora versione mozzo. Dalla soglia del locale gli ride dietro Davy Jones..]
Jones: sei sempre il mio pollo preferito, Sparrow! Haw haw!
Jack: ma chi si crede di essere, quella piovra in salamoia? Quei dobloni te li dati solo in prestito!
Sora: impara a tenerti lontano dai dadi, piuttosto!
Jack: [si accovaccia tra le botti del molo] spennato come un' oca! Umiliato davanti a tutta Tortuga! Aahh, è più di quanto possa sopportare!
Sora: rhum per tirarsi su?
Jack: macchè! [respinge la bottiglia] tanto... sono un disastro di pirata...
Sora: chi, tu? Ma va là! Jackie, ma davvero hai scordato di che pasta sei fatto? [comincia a camminare in equilibrio sui pali del molo, mentre altri pirati, capitanati da Demyx (*ç*), suonano la base musicale]
Sora: non posso vederti così, o Jackie, demoralizzato perchè
al gioco hai perso nuovamente il bottin, benchè te l' avessi detto!
Ma non creder d' esser uno zimbello quaggiù, la fama non cambia per ciò!
Ammirati ti guardiamo perché emularti, Capitan, non si può...
Il più furbo è Sparrow, il più scaltro è Sparrow
alle sciabole nessun ti batte, Sparrow!
Della Perla sei tu il proprietario, la nave più bella che c'é!
Chiedi a Luxord, a Xiggy e anche a Mansy
scoprirai che tutti vogliono essere Jack!
Lux/Xig/Xem: [si alzano brindando] Capitan Jack Sparrow, sei un mito per noi! Sulle rotte dell' avventura portaci!
Jack: [si rimette in piedi con un largo sorriso] Non credevo d'essere così amato!
Lux/Xig/Xem: [insieme ad altri pirati lo circondano e lo portano in trionfo] ma lo sei, mon Capitaine! Urrà per Jack! Portate altro rhum!
Sora: a confronto Barbossa non è nessun!
Tutti: il più lesto è Sparrow! Il più sexy è Sparrow!
Jack: a fregar ufficiali son proprio il miglior!
Larxene/altre prostitute: [lo guardano ammaliate] oh mio Dio, quant' è affascinante! Ad esser la sua donna agognam!
Sora: con le donne sei un gran mascalzone...
Jack: mas oui! Posso viver solo di donne e di rhum!
Tutti: sei un volpone, Sparrow! Dacci dentro, Sparrow!
Xigbar: alle gare di rutti nessun batte Sparrow!
Jack: possono sentirmi fino in Virginia! *Beurk*
Tutti: [alzando cartelli] trenta punti a Sparrow!
Riku: [sbuca fuori solo adesso, chissà perché, e prende sottobraccio Sora] l'ultimo esempio, lasciatelo dire, non brilla per finezza, sai?
Sora: ma Jackie ha un cuore sincero, perciò è per questo che ci piace assai!
Tutti: dei pirati sei il re! Traccia la rotta, Jack!
Jack: se ho voi al mio fianco fo arrosto il Kraken!
Gibbs: [seduto dietro un banchetto delle iscrizioni improvvisato suona una campanella] cerchiamo nuove leve per l'equipaggio!
Tutti: [via via salgono sulla Perla Nera e la preparano a salpare, mentre Jack si sistema al timone, il vento nei capelli e in mano la mitica bussola smagnetizzata che ancora ci devono spiegare dove punta] posso fare il mozzo? Io le bombe porto!
Prua e poppa brilleran! Noi sappiam cucinar!
Qualsiasi cosa, anche carte false faremmo,
per entrar nella sua ciurma!
Sempre pronti a dire: oui, mon Capitaine!
Marluxia: [con gran orrore di tutti entra in scena volteggiando grottescamente sulle punte, unico ad essere vestito come un damerino e con una voce da baritono sottoposto ad intervento chirurgico di House per trasformarlo in voce bianca] e il suo nome è Mansex... sì, Mansex, è il capo della nostra ciurma! ... non parliamo di lui?
Axel: [fino a quel momento era nascosto tra le botti intento a molestare Roxas, ma gli atteggiamenti di Mar gli fanno talmente salire l'acido nello stomaco che balza fuori sputando letteralmente fuoco] pezzo d'asino! Io ti dò in pasto al Kraken!
Tutti: Sparrow! [l'ultima strofa copre le urla strazianti di Marluxia, prima squinternato dai chakram di Axel e poi fatto volare dritto nelle fauci del mostro... è il simbolo degli Heartless, quello?]
... siete ancora vivi dopo questo? Avete ancora forze sufficenti per lasciare il vostro commento? E allora forza! Qualsiasi cosa va bene!
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bello fino al punto del canto XDDDDD . -
Zeo.
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Basta Fiction di Nomi e doppi punti, mi devastano l'intera cultura italiana.
Lo dico qui come lo direi ovunque, sia chiaro
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° Sasha °.
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SPOILER (click to 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Chiaro il concetto?. -
.
veramente no o.O .
Capitan Jack Sparrowchiamate la neuro dopo questo...°__° |
